Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million

Home Again

I'm back, but I'm not doing a daily post, because I am so very not back.

Revelations are supposed to be fast things, I thought, but I feel like I've been stuck in a multi-month revelation. Every few weeks, I think, 'oh, I get it now,' and think I know where my life is going again, and then I find myself saying, 'no, I get it now,' because it wasn't at all like I thought it was. Every time I think I finally see where the puzzle pieces are fitting again, they lift, rearrange, and shift on me. But the picture is getting clearer and clearer, and even if I still find things unsettled and strange, I am becoming comfortable will unsettled and strange. I am in a period of rearrangement. I'm not entirely certain how all the pieces will lie at the end, but I am gaining trust that it will be for the best.

The trip to Dragon*Con was providential.

From the moment I secured the tickets, to the flights, through the show... everything fell into place exactly as it should have, as I can't help but think it was meant to. I wasn't supposed to be able to go at all - then a generous lodging offer I couldn't refuse fell into my lap. When I checked plane tickets, a perfect first class schedule was available for a pittance of airline miles. The partners who was supposed to run the show for me fell through - leaving me with a full booth to use all by myself just as I decided to clearance everything I had left. The flights were all on time or early. I picked up my luggage and turned around to find my ride walking up. No lost luggage. No lines. No parking fees. When I thought to myself, 'I need zipties and vitamin C,' we drove past a Walgreens. I got a minor headcold - not the flu. The day I was most sick was the one day I had someone experienced to run the booth for me for a few hours so I could have some sit-down soup in a restaurant. Rides fell into place exactly as I needed them. A nice security guy asked if I needed anything at that exact moment I thought my bladder was going to explode.

It wasn't perfect - I didn't sell everything that I wanted to, but I did cover my costs and the bulkiest things (that I least looked forward to shipping home) went fast. I didn't get to spend as much time with the wonderful people that I got to meet as I wanted - but I got to meet them. I didn't get to spend as much time as I'd have liked in the art show (I saw only a tiny fraction of it). I wasn't completely healthy (there was a bad period late on Sunday where my head was spinning so badly I couldn't track conversations, and I missed the one panel I wanted to attend that night, so exhausted that I almost sat down and cried when they finally closed the exhibitors hall). My feet sometimes hurt, and there was a period yesterday during the nearly-24-hour trek across the country when I would have sold my soul for a shower.

But I feel like it gave me big, blinking road signs, and it was a fantastic trip. It was a really auspicious note to go out on.

I think that once I shake this jetlag (my brain and body are so not in sync yet), I have some things to do. And I look forward to doing them!
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