Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million

It's not always anymore.

I drove home feeling sorry for myself.

It hurt to push the gas pedal, to turn my head, to buckle the belt - all those little things that are involved in driving from one place to another. White pain, hot and sharp-edged, flaring down my hips and up my spine, ebbing away and burning again if I dared to shift or relax in the slightest.

It's not fair, I thought to myself. It's not fair to hurt like this, to wince at bumps, to ache for something as basic as turning the steering wheel. It's been a long time since I hurt like this.

Then it hit me: it's been a LONG time since I hurt like this.

This used to be normal. This was every day. This was always.

It's not always anymore.

And I felt better.

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