Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million

On showers...

I took a shower today, and it made me feel much better, even if I did have to go lie down for a nap afterwards.

I doubt, however, that my idea of a shower matches... well, anyone elses.

It is not a typical Alaskan shower, because, yes, most Alaskans do have indoor running water. Even if you don't count Anchorage as Alaskan. (Which us lofty Fairbanksans generally don't...) Heck, by numbers, I'd bet most folks are even hooked up to city water and sewage! The luxury!

Supplies you'll need for an Ellen patented Alaskan shower:

Buckets or pots of cold water - about three gallons worth.
Boiling water - enough to heat above mentioned water to slightly below scalding.
Bar of soap
Two in one hair stuff - you don't want to deal with shampooing and conditioning separately...
Two big towels.
Hairbrush and hairties to taste, depending on length of hair.

Prepare the interior area by heating to 'barely able to stand clothing' temperature. (The cat loves this part...)

Boil water, and prepare additional vessels for mixing. One of them should be large-ish for the outdoor final rinse. A four-gallon beer brewing pot works great for this, but one can make do with as little as small as a 1.5 gallon vessel. It should be easy for the rinser to carry very full.

Prepare the exterior area by shovelling any loose snow away from the area of pourage. Remember that it will leave an iceslick, so avoid well-travelled areas. If you have neighbors, position this spot - and a route to and from - away from their view.

Undress, wearing only sandals. Sandals are very important! Cold wet feet freeze to the ground!

Wash hair in sink, with helpful second party to pour water over hair and observe bubbles. Rinse thoroughly. Towel-dry, brush and tie/clip up out of the way.

Soap thoroughly, with helpful second party to assist by flinging sprays of cold water at one to 'make it more interesting' and then rinse hands

Hussle outside - works best if rinsee opens door, lets rinser pass, and then closes door behind. Go quickly to prepared outdoor spot. Didn't prepare your outdoor spot? Walk through ankle-to-calf-deep snow to spot and curse self for not preparing outdoor spot. Rinsers job is to pour water steadily (trying to avoid soaking self) while rinsee removes all soap and alternately curses cold wind and complains about scalding temperature of water. When lobster-red and water is gone, return briskly to house, dry thoroughly and wonder aloud: why the hell haven't we finished the plumbing yet?!
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