Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million

Feel like a whiny wreck...

My head hurts. I think I did something to my neck and shoulders when I fell the other day - this is the fourth or fifth day I've had headaches. I need to make an appointment with the chiro, but I don't have the car this morning, and I have errands to do all afternoon. Back has hurt since yesterday, too. The bruises are beginning to fade - they *really* weren't that bad, so I feel wimpy as well as whiny.

Email appears to be broken.

Having various crisies (sp?) of self-doubt... my personal site is about ready to launch, and my nerve is failing me. I feel like my articles are elitist sounding and my art is substandard. I feel like I must seem very vain, and read conceit in everything I've written. I can't decide if I hope that lots of people visit my site once it's up, or if I hope nobody ever finds it. I'm terrified nothing will sell, and embarrassed of the prices I've set, after HOURS of back and forth over them in my head.

This creeping, widening LJ post-box thing is going to drive me insane.

I'm worried that I'm a terrible friend.

I'm concerned that I'm not pulling my share of finances at home.

I feel flaky and pulled apart at the seams, and I'm sort of morbidly sure I've *missed* something major that needed to be done some time in the past...

I'm frustrated that the new PA site isn't done, though somewhat distracted by my new site. I knew it wouldn't be by now, and no grief to the webmaster(s), but it's been like 6 months since it was supposed to originally be finished. Six months. It broke my heart going over sales figures to do taxes... this wonderful, steady increase in sales and hits until August, and then *pffff* (soggy balloon popping noise). I look at that uphill slog - very few people are visiting the site since it doesn't change right now, and I'm going to have to build that all up again from scratch. I don't mean to whine - okay, I do a bit, since this is LJ, and that's what it's for - but gaaaahhh... this is going to drive me crazy. I feel horrible for my artists, like I've personally let them down. There's so much *potential*, and I can't - quite - reach - it....

I'm totally frustrated.

Don't mind me. Seriously, I go through this a lot. It's never stopped me from doing what I need to do before and it won't now, but gah, just needed to vent a little.
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