Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million

So maybe I'm Alaskan...

[X] Someone mentions "super cub" and you do not envision a tiny bear wearing blue tights and a red cap.

[ ] You are vacationing in Hawaii when a beautiful woman in a bikini walks by and you think, "Boy I'd sure like to see her in a snowmobile suit." (Obviously aimed at the other gender)

[X] Your relatives/friends think you live too far away for them to come visit you, but keep asking you to come see them more often.

[X] You have ever called a 1- 800 number you found in a catalog, and then were told, "Alaska? Oh, we don't ship outside the USA."

[ ] You have ever put up with the pain of a toothache until the Permanent Fund checks came out in October. (Always had dental insurance!)

[X] You know going "outside" involves a lot more than opening the door and walking out into the yard.

[X] You have ever worn a tie with rubber boots. (Well, I've worn formal dresses with rubber boots, so that's gotta count)

[X] You have ever worn underwear that had something called a "trapdoor."

[X] You have learned that in the Summer you never say to your kids, "Be home by dark!"

[X] You know a tail-dragger is an airplane, not a bad day at the office.

[X] You know that a Spenard Divorce involves a .357 magnum, not a lawyer.

[X] You know bunny boots aren't worn by bunnies or made out of bunnies.

[X] You know the meaning of the word 'Baleen' and it has nothing to do with making hay into large cubes.

[ ] Your monthly Alascom phone bill is larger than your house payment. (I don't bother calling people. :P)

[X] The reason you don't own a poodle is because an eagle ate the last one. (Well, it was the neighbor across the street…)

[X] There is a bottle of Avon's Skin-so-Soft in your tackle box.

[X] You've never met any celebrities. (Oh, wait, I suppose Larry Elmore is a 'celebrity,' and I had lunch with him)

[X] Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a camper on the Seward highway.

[X] "Vacation" means driving to Chitna to dip net.

[X] You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

[X] You measure distance in hours.

[X] You know several people who have hit a moose.

[X] Your school classes aren't canceled because of cold.

[X] The last thing you do before going to bed is plug in your vehicle.

[X] You see a car running in the parking lot, with no one in it, and two dogs on the front seat.

[X] You install security lights on your house and garage and then leave them both unlocked.

[X] You think of the four major food groups as moose, caribou, beer and salmon.

[X] You carry jumper cables and a sleeping bag in your car.

[X] You think driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

[X] You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

[X] You think that the start of moose season is a national holiday.

[X] You know which leaves make good toilet paper. (Coffee filters work, too.)

[X] You know that the phrase "the kings are running" has nothing to do with royalty.

[X] You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly", and put on long pants.

[X] You know there are only 2 seasons: Winter and Construction.

[X] You can spell and pronounce words like Chatanika and Venetie.

[ ] You know why they named it Chicken, Alaska. (Huh… I'll have to look that up)

[X] Bug dope is an essential part of your summer wardrobe.

[X] You think the song "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" is about springtime.

[X] You know that road flares will start a nice bon fire.

[X] You take the door off the outhouse to see the aurora. (Well, technically, none of my outhouses started out with doors)

[X] Your idea of taking a load off is emptying the firewood out of the back of the truck.

[X] You think it is safe to drive as long as you can still see the snowplow's flashing light ahead.

[X] Your wardrobe consists of polar fleece, Gortex and wool, and nothing really matches.

[X] You wear your furry slippers to the grocery store.

[X] You own 3 modes of transportation: boat, 4-wheeler and 4X4. (Actually: boat, snowmachine and all-wheel-drive)

[X] You drive 55 on icy roads. (Sure, they're designed for it)

[X] You like your neighbors.

[X] You know at least one pot grower.

[X] Your idea of gang violence is fighting off mosquitoes.

[X] You have learned almost everything by doing it.

[X] Your kids catch the bus in the dark and get off it in the dark. (Me, not my kids, but the same idea)

[X] October is the month of your highest income. (Easily)

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