(This was originally written for Kadanzer, and had the Title and last line referring to three firelizards, which is the naughty-rating for their stories.)
by Ellen Million
Guide me, my muse, and direct me to write
A love scene that’s not too horribly trite.
How to portray what’s after the kiss,
And avoid sappy words like ‘passion’ and ‘bliss.’
Trying to avoid the plain fade to black,
Aware of the tensions, or obvious lack.
Wracking my brain for a difficult scene,
And how to convey it and not be obscene.
No ‘heaving white bosoms’ or ‘throbbing manhood.’
Though some artful cries would surely be good.
Protests of love, I can do without,
But, muse, give me something my hero can tout!
He’s got to be good, and she’s got to be willing,
Or the writing gets stilted and the mood less than thrilling.
There has to be skin, and lots of it, too,
Or I may as well write of a trip to the zoo.
Kill the clichés, muse, please don’t indulge
The impulse to make up fun names for the bulge.
Don’t let me get shy, and don’t let me get crude,
Somewhere’s a balance ‘tween graphic and rude.
Please, muse, come help me, and type out the lines.
To get that scene perfect, so the character shines.
To leave all my readers with blushes and glee,
So I can at last get my exxes three.