Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million

An Apology

I must apologize.

I was young and dumb, not so very long ago, and I did all those things that make folks roll their eyes in disgust.

I wrote bad poetry that overused words like 'darkness' and 'despair.'

I made characters that were such blatant Mary Sue's I may as well have named them 'Ellen.' And then had them get involved in disgustingly gooey romantic relationships with canon characters. And I gave them Special Powers and Dark Pasts.

I copied famous artwork.

I copied famous artwork and expected kudos for my 'skillful' imitations from my friends.

I submitted terrible stories to completely unacceptable markets and probably made more than one editor out there cringe and weep.

I thought I was creative when I clearly wasn't.

I was sensitive about my work to the point of ridiculousness and would cry and rip it up if it didn't turn out right. (I would also spend several hours in the bathroom every morning trying to get my bangs curled into perfect 80s wallbangs and cry and get frustrated when they didn't work. It took me a while to figure out that crying and getting frustrated was pretty counterproductive. And that wallbangs looked stupid on me.)

I couldn't take criticism. Or suggestion. Or anything but outright praise.

I was stupid, and naive, and suggestable, and sensitive, and so terribly proud of my limited accomplishments.

The world should be greatful I didn't have 'Net access that early in my life.

I am very sorry for these things I did, and they shame me to remember and admit.

Please forgive me for being young and stupid.

And please remember that just about everyone starts out young and stupid.

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