June 12th, 2007

Twisty tree

Enough of fear...

I have been paralyzed.

The little pockets of my own success have terrified me. I am scared to death of making promises I cannot keep, or being overwhelmed by tasks I can't complete. I am petrified of depending on people and watching them drift away. I am sick to death of holding back on projects, dragging my feet on advertising and doubting my own ability.

I am better than this, I am stronger than this. I am above stupid high school feelings of 'being excluded' and needing outside validation of my own strengths. I have never regretted (too much) the times I have plowed forward and given it everything - I have always regretted not trying, and not trying hard enough. If my help falls through, I can get other help, or I can do it myself. I refuse to wait until things are easy to give it a shot.

Look out, world! Ellen's giving herself pep talks!

Color for trade...

I did more color yesterday, but had to wait until they dried! These are oils (alkyds) on canvas - three are utterly abstract (my secret, shameful passion) and one is a portrait to see if I could. Definitely out of practice, so these four are up for trade. Other art, music, lipgloss, icons, used books, chocolates... I'm open to all offers! I'll screen comments, just let me know which one you'd like and I'll let the 'winners' know who they are. Colors are much richer in life.

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Darn you, Dick Blick!

Darn you, Dick Blick, for having sales and clearance items! Darn you for having what I was looking for! Darn you for making me break out my credit card and spend $500!! And darn you most for calling to make sure it was okay to send my order faster via FedEx at no extra charge to me! And by darn you, I mean, I love you I love you I love you!

Psssst - 20% $20 off until Thursday!