March 27th, 2005

Are You Sure?

I fear favoritism...

Not that I give it - I'm painfully careful on that end - but that I am often, OFTEN at the receiving end of it.

How much of what I have have I truly *earned?*

I question every single one of my Mod's Choices at Elfwood. I question being put up at Illuminators Guild when so many are still in limbo. I question every single Epilogue piece I have up... I would have rejected half of them, myself. And do you know that I have NEVER had an Epilogue rejection? True story. I haven't previously donated to them (I did just a few weeks back), so that rumor isn't true, but I know a lot of those people, and have an amicable at worst relationship with all the people in all the positions to get me all the honors that I've gotten. (Except possibly the New Master's of Fantasy thingy... my only connection with any of the judges was a long ago dinner with Larry Elmore and he *probably* doesn't remember me.)

How many of these honors would I have, if I were posting under some psuedonym? How much of it is 'oh, that's Ellen, wave her on through!'



I really, really, really didn't want to, but when family asks... well, you have to do it. I'm babysitting for my sister tomorrow. One, possibly two sick nephews. I'd need to be there at 7 in the morning, and stay until 3 or 4. Jake has tomorrow off - I was *really* looking forward to sleeping in and having an art day. It's probably selfish of me, but I feel grouchy and disappointed. *scowl*

Please, please, please let someone else come through and spare me having to get up early on the last day off until Memorial Day!

I may be un-Internet accessible tomorrow until late!