Hey self, it's been a while.
The world has fallen apart in a way you never even imagined possible. We're in the midst of a global pandemic, there are race riots and civil unrest in most major cities, the weather is crazy, and there was even a brief stint with murder hornets. Politics have ripped through the country, and the media is saturated with hatred and division.
You've been cooped up at home for basically six months now. All of your spring and summer vacations were canceled, as well as all travel for the indefinite future. Your parents are high risk and in poor health. Your husband's job is now situated in the middle of your kitchen, and it hasn't gotten a bit less stressful. Your daughter is home full time and you'll be expected to supervise her education most of the time now that school has started.
You've just shut down major parts of the business that used to be your entire identity, accepting at last that they were never going to be what you envisioned, and never going to bring you joy. This was pretty much cemented by the death of your programming mentor and good friend.
Wait...isn't this supposed to be a pep talk?
It is, self.
Because you are okay, and you are going to be okay, and it's okay that things feel hard and hopeless when...damn, self, the world is on metaphorical fire. If things don't feel hard now, you aren't feeling.
You are safe and you are succeeding, and it's okay that you are doing that despite the world. You cannot save everyone and you cannot be everything, and whatever you can do is enough. Guilt serves no purpose when it cripples you from doing that much.
You have earned your successes with every bitter failure, and you deserve your wins. You are allowed to be proud and excited for the things that you've worked so hard on.
You are not just the things that late night lizards and guilt and fear try to convince you that you are. You are not just the stumbles and stutters and errors and embarrassments.
You are the sum of yourself, the whole beautiful, flawed, fractured package, and you may not be perfect, but you are perfectly you. And that is enough.
Keep trying hard and striving to be better and remember to give people grace...most of all yourself.
You've got this, self. Carry on.
(Comments disabled) Originally posted at Dreamwidth: https://ellenmillion.dreamwidth.org/1736045.html (I'm more likely to reply to comments there!)