Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million

  • Mood:

On friendship and endings.

I don't make friends so easily.

I get along with people easily, and people like me easily, and I easily add people to my like and admire list and could be friends if I let them... but people I would count as close friends? Not so many.

It's my own fault; my unwillingness to expose myself for hurt, my selfish desire for privacy and distance, my insecurity and conviction that no one really wants to know who I am with any more depth.

I'm made particularly aware of this today, as Matt and Nicki are leaving for Oregon.

I'm going to miss them. Terribly.

I'll be grateful to have my house back to myself, but I have a feeling it's going to echo, like it did when Jennie left, and I'm going to mope for a few days and wonder why I can't appreciate the emptiness I longed for.


My back is aching and I somehow agreed to stay at mom and dad's until 9 tonight so Becca can go to bible study. The kids will be asleep, and I can get lots of EMG done, but I just want to... eat ice cream with someone close. Go for a walk in the woods with a friend.

Isn't it funny, longing for friendship when it's leaving, longing for privacy when friendship is available...

  • A Saturday

    Yes, I wrote flamingos! Another 1000 words of ridiculousness. And it was the #SundaySnippet choice at my reader's group, so there will be a short…

  • Suddenly Shifters!

    Suddenly Shifters is my personal fun world - it's a light-hearted setting with a lot of opportunity for hilarity and an underlying mystery that…

  • June in review

    In June: I wrote about 6k on All Manner of Hats, 1000 words on Wolf's Instinct edits, 5k on The Dragon Prince's Secret, 2k on Green Valley…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded