Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million
ellenmillion

Yes, I'd like cheese with that.

It seems like most of my recent posts have been whiney.



I feel like a petulant child. 'My business is broken and stupid and hard and I don't want to play with it.' *pout*

And our dsl service has *not* updated their dns whatevers yet, so I can't work on the webpage if I wanted to. And now, I'm pretty sure that I didn't back up some of the files that I'm going to need to make some of my forms work, and I feel like not only a moron, but a complete and utter moron.

Three people came over for my little house-showing-off, and though we all had a great time, they didn't stay long and I was just as happy they didn't because I'm all tired and more than a little grumpy and I'm soooo disappointed in myself and I have such a tough time getting over that and besides I'm fairly lousy company in the best of conditions.

Jake would remind me that I'm allowed to be human and screw up, but that I'm not allowed to wallow in my own crapulence, but he's off... somewhere. He fled the potential girliness that was to take over the house.

It's dark out. It reminds me that it's nearly winter and makes me feel all deflated and frustrated with myself. What happened to the summer? Why is the webpage not finished yet? What happened to all my grand plans for progress?

Here I am with no toilet and no webpage at all. I haven't published Sylver's book or added new artists or gotten contracts out. I haven't written much, or drawn much, or done much of anything, it feels like, and yet I'm constantly, endlessly working. I'm tired of working. I'm tired of hurting.

I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, too.

There are contracts out in the car. I may go get them so I can do some signing and envelope stuffing.

On the other hand, I may go find a book and curl up on the couch. I wish I had Beauty out of storage. Or The Blue Sword. I miss material comforts right now. I wish I had something distracting on DVD that I haven't watched a billion and a half times.

*wanders off muttering 'must shake funk...'*
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