Ellen Million (ellenmillion) wrote,
Ellen Million
ellenmillion

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Of Ceiling Wax...

Wow! I got the nicest, most flattering comment at my Loth gallery today. Very nice morning surprise; I'm such a sucker for compliments, even if I have no idea what to do with them.

Have managed to tweak a few of the webpages, including adding a form to the contact page, but have been distracted by making AnthroCon stuff (ooo... pretties!!). Hopefully that package will go out on Wednesday, and I have Friday off for Fourth of July. Woot! With luck, I will be able to re-launch the webpage this weekend. There's really not much left to be done, just product pages and artists pages, which are all going to be automatically generated; I just have to tweak a couple of things on each one from a template.

Must mail packages to Tito and to Lonnie this week, and sit down with contracts once that's done. Argh! Stupid contracts. Really need a better method. Mail sucks.

We got house-type work done this weekend! We discussed a second floor porch, and have decided that rather than putting in a large window in the space upstairs that we have to re-frame, we'll have a door there. It involved much 'what-if'-ing over kids and walling in second bedrooms and what egress has to be to be up to code. That will be done later this summer, no rush, but it's good to have the decision process out of the way. We also got the water tank rigged for lifting and cleaned up the basement to get ready to do water work down there. YAY!! I'm not sure which I want to do more this weekend... water, or webpage? Probably both. *crosses fingers*

Weather has been gorgeous... classic Interior Alaskan: sunny and dry, with occasional afternoon/evening thunder clouds but little actual precipitation. Cloudier today, but no complaints. Would be nice not to have to water the plants. I planted some iris, violets and delphiniums that mom thinned out of her garden. They sat too long in a box, so the iris is pretty sick, but the others have all perked up and look like they'll take well. One lilac hasn't recovered from transplant yet, but the other looks great, and we've got four or five chokecherries growing decently, too. I think they'll all look really neat in a few years. I like flowers. Particularly low-maintenance flowers. :)



Erica's leaving RWH. :(

I knew it was coming; she'd warned me several weeks back, but it's still a bit of a damper on my mood. Particularly considering how inactive I've been in Rushwater lately. It makes me consider doing the same, and I really hate to.

Which brings me back to Kaz and Woodworks ponderings that have been eating away at me for a while now.

I invest a lot of time writing stories for Kaz and articles for Woodworks, and doing a lot of things that I keep telling myself are 'good practice.' Good practice for what? What is it that I really want to be doing... and why am I not doing that?

A lot of is that I'm not sure I'm good enough at any of what I'm doing... art, writing, even the business end of things. The stories I've put up are really well received, and though I don't have what I would call slavering fans, I think my artwork is enjoyed. But the standards aren't so high in any of the places I've put them that I feel it's really a fair litmus. And when you're writing for people who are already fans of the setting, it's like shooting fish in a proverbial barrel: yes, you end up with dead fish, but are you really a fisherman? Hmm... Not that I'm really trying to compare my work to dead fish, mind you.

I love the people and the interaction at Kaz. I adore my character, and the stories practically write themselves. But shouldn't I be spending my time on Torn World, or promoting my own business instead of telling other people how to build theirs? Shouldn't I be investing my time and energy into things that pay off for me? I talk all the time about focus and planning and doing what it takes to get wherever there is, but I seem to get side-tracked onto the fun stuff. (I refuse to divert into a rant about people who ask for advice and then don't thank me for my time after I've written them a short novel on the matter...)

My plan-energy has always focused around my business first, art second, with writing nowhere on the radar, but I wonder if it isn't time for a little evaluation. My own art has been shunted to the side during this house-building-business-re-activating period, and I've been quite, quite surprised what a little writing has churned up. I quit writing seriously *years* ago, confident that I just wasn't up to par in that field and besides I didn't have time to do everything. It's just... a little astonishing how much I got written the last two years for someone who doesn't write. What have I got, 20 articles under my belt with Woodworks? Plus horoscopes, every month but one since last January. Plus 20 odd stories for Kaz. Plus about a zillion sketches. Hours, and hours, and hours of work. What if I'd spent that time working on, say, an illustrated novel? Or even on my business?

So.

I'm not going to quit the fandom scene yet. I've got loose ends to tie up at the very least, and I see no reason to abandon something that I honestly love doing with people I honestly adore. But I have got to get some focus together and whip myself into shape. Serious writing has to come first. Serious art has to start taking precedent if I ever want to improve... I've gotten lazy and need to start doing some reference studying. Even if it means breaking a box of books out of the connex box. (Not that I'm even sure where to *start* to find the right box...) I've got to get my act in gear. Right now!

Okay, right after I finish this story.

Or the next story...
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