So, I make good pizza. Really good pizza. From scratch, using sourdough. I'm very comfortable making sourdough pizza. But today, it went terribly, terribly wrong.
First, I decided to try a different recipe. This one would be ready in half an hour, instead of several hours, as the dough only needed to rest, not rise. Okay, that sounds good!
It kneads about right, feels nice and silky. Okay, I can do this! No need to break open the box of macaroni.
I set it to rest and assemble ingredients.
My pizzas are, unless made for an event, leftover pizzas - whatever's in the fridge on a pizza. My sauce today is leftover past sauce (spicy red pepper, mm!), and I have salami for a meat. Veggies - hm... let's try avocado! I love avocado, and figure it's worth a try. And a half a tomato leftover, and most of a little can of black olives. Tasty!
The timer goes off - dough is ready!
But... hmm. It's very sticky. It tears instead of stretching. I have doubts. I should have listened to those doubts!
I have a spanking new pizza stone - I have heard such wonderful things about how they bake pizzas that I had to try one.
But this means I can't assemble my pizza on a cookie sheet. Hmm! I have a pizza paddle - I sprinkle cornmeal on it and make my pizza.
Avocados? I think, as I spread them out. Was this a good idea?
I sprinkle on the cheese and take the paddle to the oven. Opening the door, I tilt the paddle to shake the pizza loose and watch the cheese try to break for escape.
Hm, I say.
I get a spatula and test an edge.
The pizza crust is completely glued to the wooden paddle. I consider the box of macaroni again.
I get a bigger spatula.
With scraping and cursing and careful tilting and a heartfelt plea not to lose my toppings, I scratch the pizza in mostly one piece onto the 450 degree baking stone. The far edge is completely wrinkled. There are bits of rapidly melting shredded cheese gleefully becoming one with the baking stone. My carefully composed toppings all tried to make a break for the downhill side, so the near side of the pizza is almost bare.
I'll let you know how the story ends in another ten minutes, but I'm not hopeful.
Fortunately, I have a box of macaroni and cheese.